Page 10 - Support Magazine Winter 2017
P. 10

Why do we find it so difficult

         to forgive ourselves?

             ife is rarely straightforward is it?  Life is demanding with its own set  that by forgiving ourselves we are in
             Life presents us with a multitude  of pressures and stresses. These, and  some way condoning our actions or
             of experiences; the experience of  other factors, contribute to how we  what we have done? Do we use our
        Lloving and being loved, of         view life and to the way we behave.  difficulty in forgiving ourselves as a
        growing and developing to failing or  There may be moments when,        mechanism to confirm the way we –
        falling down at times, of embracing  through our anger or frustration, we  and only we – see ourselves? In other
        opportunities or bypassing them, of  behave irrationally and it is within this  words seeing ourselves as people who
        facing challenges of different      that we can hurt or be hurt. The end  have little worth and value? This is a
        magnitudes that will build our      result of our lashing out at others –  form of self-condemnation which
        resilience or undermine it, of behaving  even when we didn’t mean to – is  undermines our sense of self and
        maturely and sometimes immaturely.   embarrassment and guilt. Recognising  positive self regard. Rather than see
           None of us travels the road of life  this we may seek and receive    and accept ourselves as we are – with
        without experiencing moments when   forgiveness from others. While we can  all our talents and limitations – we opt
        we have felt hurt by someone or     accept the forgiveness of others what  or prefer to see ourselves in a lopsided
        when we have hurt another. We have  is often more perplexing and often  way seeing only that part of ourselves
        all done it, perhaps not often but we  more difficult to do is to forgive  that confirms our view of self. We
        have all done it; said the wrong word  ourselves.                       trick ourselves into believing this is
        or had the wrong word said to us,                                       who we are rather than broadening
        made the wrong decision or having a  WHY CAN'T WE FORGIVE OURSELVES?    our perspective and taking a more
        decision taken out of our hands,      What is it in us that fuels our desire  balanced view.
        taken the wrong turn, blamed others  to withhold forgiveness of self and to
        or ourselves for our misfortune. Most  punish ourselves? Why do we place  ARE THERE STEPS I CAN TAKE TO ENABLE ME
        of the time hurting or being hurt   this burden of guilt on our shoulders  TO FORGIVE MYSELF?
        happens accidently but, sometimes,  and feel in some way content to carry  To forgive ourselves is a process,
        we do it on purpose, we set out to  it some cases for many  something that may not happen
        hurt someone.                       years or even a lifetime? Do we feel  immediately but may, depending on

        10                                   IKA S UPPOR T W INTER 2017
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